Just Add Water
by the ersatz diplomat
Summary: "Murph nodded, as if this was a perfectly logical explanation for why her friend, the wizard, was covered in purple goop." Set sometime after the short story 'Last Call.'


_The Dresden Files/Codex Alera is copyright Jim Butcher. This story is licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction._

Written for the Day By Drabble Blue Skies Event on Livejournal.

Prompt #8: picture of couple kissing underwater

Author's Note: This is set after the short story _Last Call. _I had actually had the idea for this long before I saw the prompt, but hadn't quite put digits to keyboard, as it were. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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><p>I was standing in the marina parking lot when my car pulled up next to me. Murphy rolled down the window and pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head. She stared at me, brow furrowed and cute nose wrinkled in an expression of bewilderment.<p>

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Octopus demons," I said. Goo was dripping off the hem of my duster…and pretty much everywhere else. I'd called her to come pick me up in the Blue Beetle after Thomas, who had dropped me off that morning, declared me unfit to ride in the Jag and left my eldritch ass at the docks.

"...Why are you purple?"

"Octopus demon ink defense."

Murph nodded, as if this was a perfectly logical explanation for why her friend, the wizard, was covered in purple goop. I got in and she drove to a coin-op car wash a few blocks away. We threw my coat over the hood of the car and hosed it off.

"Octopus demons, huh?"

"Yep."

"...In the lake?"

I had borrowed Thomas's boat this morning to check out rumors of supernatural trouble in the lake near the Illinois-Wisconsin border, backed up by news reports of fishermen that had mysteriously disappeared from their anchored boats and woke up on the shore, naked, bearing injuries consistent with sexual assault.

In other words; weird enough to warrant my attention.

"They were conjured," I said as I shook the water from my coat and put it in the car.

"What were you doing with the boat?"

I hopped on one foot, untying a boot. "Looking for mermaids."

She grinned. "Are you that desperate?"

I glared and threw one of my wet socks at her. Murph has amazing catlike reflexes, though – she ducked and it splatted against the cinderblock wall behind her.

"Well, did you find one?"

"Actually, yeah," I said, and told her all about it as I dumped lake water out of my boots.

There had been a mermaid, though not in the red-hair, seashell bra, Faustian bargain sense of the word.

The source of the trouble was a nymph, more specifically, a Naiad from the Sheboygan area of Lake Michigan; a watery tart of the Starbucks logo variety who wore a negligee made out of what looked like those plastic Coke can thingies, and had been luring unsuspecting anglers into her territory and then...well.

I'm not sure about the mechanics of getting it on with a woman that's half-fish, but apparently it can be done.

"I'd rather not hear your theories on that," said Murphy, cringing.

"I'd rather not have any."

The last time I'd crossed paths with a nymph hadn't gone well, either – a Maenad had tampered with a shipment of microbrew delivered to a Bulls game, hoping to set off a riot. Or an orgy. Or both. Karrin and I had tried to stop the riot, and mostly succeeded in preventing the orgy, but she doesn't remember much of it due one or two of those trippy beers and an impeccably-timed concussion.

...Which, considering some of the things that were said, done and indelibly inked onto my memory, is probably for the best.

"So she's kind of like that woman who was messing with Mac's beer?" she asked.

"Uh. Yeah," I said, definitely not looking at her as I wiped a handful of gunk off my t-shirt. "Sort of. Dammit, I liked this shirt."

"Here," she said, and pointed the carwash sprayer thing at my chest. I put my hands up. It's just a reflex by now – Murphy is not a person you want aiming anything at you.

"Okay. But don't get it in my eyes," I said, warningly.

She didn't even bother trying to hide a smirk and let 'er rip with the high-pressure water. Ow, but effective.

"What were you trying to do, negotiate a cessation of hostilities against mortals?"

"Yeah, I tried the 'cease any and all supernatural activity' line and she wasn't buying it."

"So what did you do?"

"I lured her into a trap and then ran like a bitch. Uh. Swam like a bitch."

"And the octopus—pi? Octopodes—"

"Octofiends," we both said and grinned. "They were minions," I said.

"How many were there?"

"Seven or eight, and they didn't attack until I was already back at the docks. She sent 'em after me because she was offended. I was supposed to bring some kind of tribute." I shrugged. "And I didn't give her what she wanted."

"What did she want?"

"Three guesses," I said, thumbing at myself. "And the first two don't count."

Karrin cracked up.

"Hey. I'm hot property," I said, offended, and she laughed even harder.

"Put your hands above your head and face the wall," she tried to say between snorts, not quite achieving that bored-cop tone as she brandished the sprayer.

I did, and grinned at her over my shoulder. "Do I have the right to remain sexy?"

She sprayed me in the face.

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><p>As always, thanks for reading.<p> 


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